Jake Plummer Awared: Week 11

Once again, Karl takes the Plum' Ride. Even at 10-6, he loses. That's how high our standards are. If you're lost as to what this is all about, check thiiiisssss.
Thanks to my pop for sending me the pic of Karl at such a tender age. Look at those beat up checkerboard slip ons...wow.
Oh, and Karl apparently took the term 'bareback' very literal. No pants? 

Busted

 

True Crime: Calgary

I went to run some errands downtown this morning. Y'know, mail stuff, pick up a video game. I parked on a sidestreet in a spot that wasn't metered. Except it WAS metered! No signs, just a spot that you're s'posed to put one of those stickers in your windshield. Portland style. Except in Portland, there's signs. And cops. That taser your balls.
Anyway, on my way BACK from the errands, I saw the sign. Half a block away from where I parked. The ONLY sign. Nice.
Now, the only reason I'm writing this is becasue this morning I was reading the paper (the comics are awesome! I love Get Fuzzy) and saw this headline:
Police Ordered to Write More Tickets.
Well, apparently the cops read the newspaper here. This is a proud moment. At last, I'm finally contributing to the Canadian economy! Haha (I really laughed, but I won't write "LOL"...dammit!) and the best part is the Chief of police said "We do traffic enforcement for one reason--safety." As you can see, I was a mad man! With my car in a parking spot, all parked and motionless...man, somebody could've been KILLED...or worse, IRRITATED!
The parking enforcement up here is crazy. I once saw a cop whip out a measuring tape to see if a car was too close to a crosswalk. These dudes are CRAZY.
Pretty funny. I mean, my wife won't think so...I better go collect some bottles. I'll be playing Resident Evil for the PS2 (eat it Xbox 360) pretending the zombies are cops. 

Owen.

Catnip makes you do some crazy shit.

Did Somebody Say "White Trash"?

Grease? Or just out of the shower? You decide! 

For Mitchieville!

Does this suck? Yeah. SO?! 

But Was He Wearing Sweats?

Maybe I need to get a job with the city! Brings back more childhood memories...

My Dad...If He Were a Mom

When I was a kid, I was terrible at school. This was an affliction that haunted my youth...from elementary school to High School. To the forty times I dropped out of "college". My parents were well aware of my faulty learning capabilities...thanks a lot report cards.
My dad would constantly remind me that if I didn't do well in school "You'll wind up like that guy." Who was 'that guy'? The dude filling up the gas tank (who ironically was probably workng to pay off college debts...or crack debts) was 'that guy'. Or any random bum sleeping in Pioneer Square. "I bet that guy didn't do his homework" my dad would quip. Usually I was too busy not doing my homework to hear what my dad said.
Maybe skipping school to go to Lloyd Center to hang with the gangstas. Or eat breffist over at Slag's house. Maybe get an Egg McMuffin and have a nap in the car. Even got a job at the attendence office...more irony! It sure helped cover my tracks! The attendence lady would be all like "Why weren't you in first period?" I look hurt "What? I was!" Then everything was cool. Or maybe I'd just put a little check mark there before it got to the attendence office. Remember those days Slag? Woo!
The point of all this is this story from the San Francisco Gate:"Mom Makes Daughter Stand on Street Corner"
No. The mom isn't some pimp. Read on:
"Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl a lesson.
She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food..."
My dad would be proud.
The whole article is here.

Put the Biscuit in the Basket!

On Monday, the in-laws went to the Flames game. Had awesome seats, as evidenced by this picture that Canadian Dad took. Canadian Mom won the tickets at her work. So they went to the game and brought the new camera. Got some awesome pictures/movies...of the game.
Above is a pic of Mr. Jarome Iginla. A badass hockey player and local heart throb due to his nice guy demeanor...and heaving man chest. He's such a nice guy that he farts kittens and rainbows...Canadian Dad caught it on film...digital film? He got a picture of it. Sweet. 

Jake Plummer AwardS: Week 10

Soooo, instea...hold on...wow. Okay, I swear I had the sports highlights on, but all of a sudden the blind sister from Little House on the Prairie was yelling for a doctor...what the hell? Man, I actually used to watch that effin' show. Remember? And Nellie was such a bitch! And they always had candy n' stuff at that store her parents had? Oh man! Prairie ROCKED! Oh no! Now Pa is having his wagon held up...and he's got the medical supplies! GODDAMN BANDITS!

Ahem...anyway. This week was really close. I was getting ready to post a picture of Chris...when all of a sudden Pa got his ass kicked!....I mean, Donovan McNabb threw an interception with 2 minutes left. Ran back for a touchdown. I couldn't believe it. Then the Eagles put in some demon kid....whatever. That guy totally just stole the medical supplies! And my brother (Laura) and I wind up tying for last this week with 9-5 records. Not bad...and we both arrived at those with some pretty retarded picks. That worked out. Laura took Green Bay to win...and they did! I took the Vikings...unbelievable! But where'd that get us? A dead son, that's where! Goddamn bandits!

New Crappy Movie!

It's the follow up to my last directorial endeavor! Now with more cats, in fact TWICE as many more cats! I call this one: ULTRA CHASE. 

Rock n' Roll Never Dies

Recently, my pop made a list of some of his favorite albums on this blog. After which, he requested that I post pictures of Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. I was always under the impression that both were dead. Not so!
Jimi is one of the best defenders in the NBA and has changed his name. But, he didn't fool me. Hendrix/Wallace...seven letters. Everything has a formula.
Janis remained a lesbian, got married to a lady named "Sharon" and adopted some fat ugly English kids who take after their mom's (Janis') drug problems.

Jesus CHRIST!

Awesome fuckin' truck, man! 

At Risk Male Youth...That spells ARMY!

Anybody watch the whole MNF game last night? Me neither. I was enthralled by the 2 episodes of Arrested Development. Effing awesome. Another reason to be thankful baseball is done. I hope they find a cure for baseball. It's afflicted the world for far too long. Right now, the closest thing to a cure seems to be ice skating. I know, it tastes horrible, but it makes the baseball go away. Do you know how much they pay for those sequined outfits? More than you think smarty!
Yesterday was the beginning of my volunteering tenure at a local community center. Pretty rad. Basketball courts, fireplace, soccer, tennis...the whole deal. Chris won't be able to go due to the Day care facility though. I'm looking for other volunteer oppurtunities as well, so if you're looking for a volunteer oppurtunity seeker to fill a volunteer oppurtunity, I'm the volunteer for you! Please no whipped cream tasting oppurtunities. I've already fallen for that.
Oh, and did you guys see the T.O. news conference? Holy crap. His agent Drew Roseyass was all "I can't speak for anybody...blah blah...you all suck...T.O. feels really bad...I can't speak for anybody, T.O. wants to play..." What a tool! The best part was when Drew said "People question my relationship with Terrell....I love this man, I'm behind him 110 percent!" Then he said what more do you want to know? "Next question....next question...." Not answering ANYthing, like he was giving a White House press conference! It was pure comedy. I actually postponed my afternoon poop to watch the whole thing.
Especially once he started raising his voice "THE MEDIA IS TREATING HIM UNFAIRLY!!" Oh man. Effing awesome.
In other news, Chris and Slag have both invested in fake mustaches. Which is weird. Since I have one too. Nobody ever said anything to each other about said fake mustaches, till pictures were posted. I guess that's what nearly 20 years of friendship does. Psychic abilities.
Oh, and Steve Holt totally has bitch tits.

Did I hear the phone ring? Or is that jess mah seh-heeness setting offa thee fire al-harms... 

Jake's close up

Woops, you couldn't see Jake in the last pic. 

Jake Plummer Award: Week 9

It came right down to the wire. Had the Iggles pulled out a win...and sent a huge eff you to T.O., we'd be enjoying a mustache trifecta. But that's not the case. I accept my lonely consequences. Accept them...nekkidley! Everyone was above 500, but I was just one short of the pack.
Anyway, the ground rules seem to have been set. The stache will be grown at the conclusion of the season and be grown/worn till the Super Bowl. I may very well be ruining some Christmas pictures. 

Showa time!

Itsa ME! Ryano! Sorry, when I lose...we ALL lose. 

Old School knows best

I'm rockin' out to the new Lagwagon album right now. These dudes have been tearin' shit up for so long...great album. Just nice poppy punk. Thanks Mr. Cape.

Truer Words...

The Sports Guy (Bill Simmons) is doing his NBA preview. Here's what he had to say about the Portland Trailblazers:
-Question (posed to himself)
If you're the Blazers and you're making a big deal about going with a youth movement and changing the identity of the team, isn't keeping Zach Randolph, Darius Miles and Ruben Patterson around kinda like hosting an an AA meeting at your house, starting the meeting, then breaking out a case of Sam Adams, a bottle of Grey Goose and a box of pot brownies?
Answer (by himself)
Here's my guess: Actually, I don't have a guess for this one. I'm perplexed. Let's just move on.
Awesome. Though, I don't mind having Plaxico Burress as much as Fat Zach. I can't wait for the Hawks game!

Have you seen my weenoo?

I can't believe the NBA season has started. Baseball is DONE. Now Sportscentre (yeah, I know) isn't full of roid raging baseball players. Nope, we get REAL rage! Like Carmello bitch slapping mofos for loose balls. Not chemically enhanced rage...unless Shawn Kemp comes back.
I appreciate the NBA even more since the games I see up here are limited and the ones shown are dominated by the Raptors. Canadian television is just SO bad. They cuss and show nudity...but damn, that only makes up for so much Everybody Loves Raymond and Weak Ass Pranks, that gets shown up here. So with the NBA games being shown, I can get quality tv.
The Lakers/Nuggets game was on and went till almost midnight (thanks OT!). So I was able to watch Kobe do "his thing" all over the Melo' and Nuggets faces right up to the Daily Show! Not only that, but there's a Blazer game on this week too. Awesome. But I do miss Charles Barkley bustin' on Kenny and the white guy on TNT.

Risky Bidness

Be grateful that I found my pair of underwear. 

 

First REAL snow!

So, apparently Wal-Mart is pushing their holiday agenda early this year. They've made it a priority to have their stores ready for the holidays on this first day of November. We went there today (slave labor ROCKS!) to pick up a few things.
Sure enough, the Christmas music was playing, decorations were out and all the Halloween leftovers were tucked in a shadowy corner. It was pretty Christmassy in there.
Then it snowed. A lot. Wal Mart scares me. 

Jake Plummer Award: Week 8

In a STUNNING turn of events, Amber Alert had a kick ass week in his picks. He was the overall winner this week, rackin' up ten correct picks. On the other hand, Karl had an ABYSMAL week. He went 4-9. I think it all started when he chose the Vikings to win. Yikes.
"What's with the picture?" you may be asking yourself. Probably not. But if you WERE asking yourself, you should refer yourself to me. I'll tell you "why the picture" assface. Because after eight weeks of this shit, I'm running outta pictures of Karl. So, I'm accepting donations. Scanned pictures. Pictures YOU drew. Lord knows we'll need em' next week. Unless Chris gets back on track.

Pffft, whatEVER Travolta!

 

It's just a THRILLER! DOO DOO DOO!

 

I lewk gewd.

 

No Brains Here...haha...SHUP!

 

Zombieween!

Duck, duck...SICK!! Hopefully everyone had as rad of a Halloween as I did. If you made HALF the kids scream/cry that I did...well, that's still like 5 kids. The in laws had over a hundred trick or treaters. I'm effing serious. It was awesome.