No Girls Allowed

 

Butt Rock

Was this picture worth the run down a possibly rattle snake infested hill? Then back UP said rattle snake infested (maybe) hill? YES. As soon as I saw those butts, I knew I had to risk it. How do I spell hero? R-Y-A-N. 

Litter Box

 

Coyote

The belt will be MIIINE!!! 

WE DO!

HOODOOS!!! Dude, I freakin' LOVE Hoodoos. This park was FULL of them. Hoodoos are soft sandstone pillars that have gotten their ass kicked by wind, rain and magic over the years. The hard sandstone then hangs around and sits on top of the pillars. Pretty rad.

Expanses of NOTHINGNESS

Nope, this isn' the Neverending Story. No wish dragons. No crumbling castles, no Fred Savage...dammit. This was the trip from Calgary to Lethbridge/Writing on Stone Park. It was like drive across Wyoming...except Canada. Oh, and that's my new Seahawks hat. YES! 

Dino Sores!

Oh man! Look at that sign!!! AND FLAGS!! WOOOO!!!! Are those flowers?! HOLY SHIT THEY ARE! Oh my god, this soooo worth the 5 hours we just drove!
So, yeah. Doubt was running rampant. But....

Eat it, Ricky Bobby

I like Will Ferrell...in fact, I may even love him. I must. For I forgave him for Bewitched as well as Kicking and Screaming. But, goddammit, he's really pushing me with this whole Talladega Nights shit.
At first I was pretty excited about seeing it. I think I saw (Jesus, there's a preview AS I TYPE THIS!!) the cardboard cut out of him wearing the racecar driver suit when we saw Superman Returns. I remember saying "Cool, a new Ferrell movie...I haven't even HEARD of this one yet!"
Well. Somebody must've been listening. Because those assholes are making up for lost time. I was looking forward to the movie. But now I'm pretty sure I've seen the whole thing on t.v.
Drive with a cougar, not paralyzed, help me Tom Cruise, you're not on fire, feel the road, walker and texas ranger....I'm gonna LOSE IT!! I GET IT! IT'S A FUCKING WILL FERRELL MOVIE!!! HE HAS A NEW MOVIE!!!!! THANKS FOR RUINING IT!!!!!! ....but I still laugh when he jumps up and blocks that shot from the dude in the wheel chair. Maybe if I wait five minutes I can see it again.

Breaking Out the Leg Warmers

BEFORE:

I done tol' y'all I was gonna ride my bike. I did it. I even wore a helmet. I felt like Chris in the 6th grade...damn, he was cutting edge. Rockin' the helmet before it was COOL to rock the helmet. Had I known I'd look so cool in a helmet, I'd've (haha! double apostrophe!) continued to wear one during my day to day activities. Just like the doctor told me I had to.

So I rode for about half hour today. I struggled too. All the more reason to continue on. We've actually got a pretty rad neighborhood to ride around in. I even played the part of the asshole bike rider who uses the turn lane...with hand signals!!

AFTER:

Man, I was SWEATING! Not shocking, I know. But man, it felt good. I'm hoping that doing this activity thing will help with my cholesterol and get me a little less soft in the middle. Though I've completely lost hope for having a defined jaw line. GOBBLE GOBBLE! I'm thinking maybe once I'm feeling better, I can go hang out with Mila at TIT.

Because you LOVE it!

Resolutions n' Updates...Resupdateolutions!

Wow. 2006...it's already here?! Wait...it's August? Time for some New Year's Resolutions!!!As I sit here at my new lil' Ikea Robin desk (desk!), I feel my pants tighten. Nope, not there. Though if I look at that picture long enough, they WILL get tight there. Y'see, I've grown stronger over the last couple of months. I can feel it. I can even see it in my arms...soon I'll be the champ. Hulk, you better look out. Y'see, this job has helped in the strentgh department, but not in the cardio/hair growth department. I'm actually in the worst cardio shape of my life. No Josh to dunk on while playing basketball. No Chris to...umm...Chris? How's YOUR cardio? Kyle?!! ARE YOU BREATHING?!!! No, walking to Jack in the Box doesn't count. Sorry.Anyway, lifting granite isn't as awesome as it sounds. Shocking? I know, I know. So I'm gonna get my ass outta this 30 year old slump. Resolution numero uno?
1. Get my ass MOVING again. Due to my twisted ankle in an earlier attempt at playing basketball, I haven't been able to. But the ankle is better now. At least, that's what my gut is telling me. Because I can't see my ankle. The gut is assuring me that's it's okay though. So I'll be dusting off the ol' yellow bike and terrorizing my new neighborhood.

Are you ready ass? Let's go.

I've also been neglecting some other things other than myself. What might that be? Why, you. YOU dear reader. I apologize for leaving you in the car with the windows up on that hot summer day. But daddy HAD to go into that business establishment for a couple of hours. I know it was hot in there. But imagine how I felt knowing you were locked in that car while I had to make a decision whether or not to double down. It pains me.
It also pains me that I've neglected the blog so much recently. Funny how getting a job and an Xbox360 (still a lame name for that machine) can put a damper on typing shit. NO MORE! Why? Because Call of Duty is losing it's luster. Hahahahahahhahahaha!!! How is that possible after playing only once week? Well, sheeeee-yit, that ties into my next resolution! More video games. That's right. I've wasted too much time in between activity/non activity. In the middle. Which has resulted to more in the middle of me. MORE biking/running (from the cops) and more video games with my homies. I'm hoping they'll see the light and pick up some Perfect Dark. As if I've had a bad idea YET. Let's GO boys.
2. More blogging.
3. More video games. I'm working on it. It's a resolution. Eat a d.

I'd also like to resolve to have penis reduction surgery. MAN! It's getting so hard (hahaha!) to walk with this thing!
I've also gotta eat healthier. That's TOTALLY cliche, I know. But it's a fact. I went to the Doctor to ask him about that reduction surgery and he told me not until I get my cholesterol down. I'm like 32% above normal he said. And I'm all like "Look doc, I KNOW. That's why I need the surgery. Besides, I'd say I'm closer to 40% above normal...look at it!"
After he slapped me, he told me he was talking about my cholesterol. So my cholesterol is 32% above normal. My question is this: Can I get superpowers from having higher levels of cholesterol? I'll let you guys know.
4. Eat more. Healthy. Eat more healthy. Is Crisco healthy?
How can this possibly be bad cholesterol?

Let's see here...what else...ummm...OH! I resolve to whoop ass in my fantasy football league (AGAIN) this year. I also resolve not to grow the stache' this year.
5. Keep kicking ass.

I also resolve to keep downloading music. Legit style. I hate you iTunes...wait...come back here. I love you baby...here's ten bucks, gimme some good music...
6. Keep rocking while kicking ass.
I think that's it for now. What else? Help me out here. The flood gates are....OPEN!!! (just like Chris' butt cheeks).

Whetting...

More to come... 

Moments later, I landed on Karl from the top rope. He sees me comin'...and who says smoking isn't cool? This picture changed my mind. Gimme a pack of Players! 

Bad Dog!

Here's another pic from Canada Olympic Park (COP). I was trying to get rid of my worms. Kyle sucked in his gut for this picture. Fit! 

Birfday Dance!

That was the Chippendale's last balloon...hence the smile. 

The Dark Side

A lonely Darth Ryan contemplates the years to come...(thanks for the shirt, Ted!) 

Oh What A Feeling!

Did I just buy a Toyota? 

Begging...BEGGING for a Photoshop

 

Thtrike a Pose!

Mi hermano and I lookin' GORGEOUS at the Olympic ski jump. This is aboot 2 weeks ago. How time flies... 

Three Oh

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Gandalf n' Friends

"The mountains? Pffft, such PUSSIES! I hate those assholes, always going on about how they're SOOOO good at soccer. Everyone knows soccer is for stupid Euro pieces of crap. If I saw those mountains I'd bury my foot so far up their sedimentary asses, they'll think I'm the second coming of the glacier that put em' there! Oh man, I'd kick their stup...they're right behind me...aren't they. Shit."