Monday, December 18, 2006

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Losers! I'd NEVER Do This!!






As many of you know, I work at a Toy store. Also, as many of you know, it's the holiday season. We're less than 2 weeks away from Christmas. And Chanukah is underway. Kwanza? Knockin' on the door. With all this going on, my work has been INSANE. I wish I could make that even more clear: INFUCKINGSANE. Jesus would be proud. I'm pretty sure whoever the Jewish guy is would be proud too. Jon Stewart? Yeah. Yeah, he'd be proud.


However, there's an even bigger religious figure that is grinning at his disciples. Who is this Holy Man? I'll give you a hint. If there were bumper stickers, they'd say "My Boss is an Italian Plumber". That's right. Mario. Mario's followers have been calling my place of employment for WEEKS inquiring about the Nintendo Wii. Literally 30 inquiries in a span of 5 minutes. "You guys got Wii's?"


"When you get Wii?"


"Herro, you have Wii?"


"Did you guys get Wii's in?"


On, and on. Well, we finally knew when we were getting them in. Saturday. Today. So we started telling people "Yeah, Saturday the 16th". It became Wii-Day. A day that will live in infamy. I started telling people to bring a sleeping bag and or a tent, because there's gonna be people there early. Some of those people laughed at me.


Well, to those people who laughed? I give you the above picture and my middle finger firmly pointed at you.


People showed up at 6pm to get their Wii's. 6pm on Friday. The day before Saturday...at which we open at 9am. This is also 3 weeks after the initial release of the Wii. PS3? What is that? We have some. But the interest isn't there. Not even CLOSE.


The above picture was taken at 11:45pm. I made a special trip just to confirm what I knew was going to happen. I laughed hysterically when I saw the tents peeking above the cars as I rounded the corner. It was also -8c. So to these people, I tip my hat. I also hope you can play your Wii without any fingers. Happy Winter Solstice!


Long Live Mario!!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

One Week Later...

Permanent Dentures. Permanent markers. Permanent hair removal. Even permanent flavored gum...or maybe that's peppermint. I now have a new found permanent. RESIDENCY!! Nope, not to be a doctor. Though I'd make the best one ever. Dr. Ryan, medicine woman. I like that.
One week ago, I was granted my permanent residency here in Canada. During that week, I've been congratulated by my new countrymen. I've also become very sick with what I can only assume to be SARS. Or Mad Cow Disease. Either way, it's just a cute way of getting hazed into the country. OH! Haha, I just coughed up my liver. You guys are great! Crazy Canadians.
But I haven't forgotten my American heritage. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I'm reminded every day by the people of Canada. Whether they're from here or India. They know I'm not from here. Or India. How? Either they have super powers, or it's the way I say "wagon" and not "way-gen". Or "Semi' and not "Sem-ee".
"May I have your zip code?"
"No. But you can have my POSTAL code. American."
Ahhhh, subtle nuances. Funny how close that is to nuisances.
You know what else keeps me feelin' my American pride? The new Me First and the Gimme Gimme's album "Love Their Country". All country songs with a nice punk rock reimagining. I felt a little guilty about the fact that I could sing along to "Earl" the first time.
Also fueling my American pride? My huge weiner...and ability to exagerate the truth.
Truths like the one I posted 2 down from here. About CODIII. Mostly I didn't get it. I got Gears of War instead. Thank God. I love the Locust. I'll be adopting a Locust baby here in the next few months. Hands off Jolie/Pitt!!
Also? Look at my demand for Joey Harrington to play for Miami. LOOK AT THAT SHIT! Dolphins? I'm waiting for your phone call and your apology to myself and my on again off again boyfriend Joey Harrington. Why won't you return my calls, Joey? JOEY?!!!
Completley off the subject, here's a list of bands I'm currently rocking out to. Possibly nekkid.
1. The Falcon (members of Slapstick/Lawrence Arms/Alkaline Trio...I can't stop listening to em')
2. Me First and the Gimme Gimme's (D..d...d...DESPERADOOOOOOO)
3. Ryan's Hope (Chris and I got lost in Calgary while listening to em'. Remember, dude?)
4. Los Straitjackets (Greatest. Christmas. Album....EVER. Thanks Conan!!)
5. Gatsby's American Dream (Just some good ol' indie scenster rock. I like it.)
6. Lagwagon's cover of the NOFX classic "Linoleum" (it's got a banjo. BANJO! Plus it takes like 30 seconds to download. Free. Rad.)
7. Scream! Hello (Piebaldish rock. Mi gusta!)
8. I'm sure Form of Rocket would be on here. But I can't find their new album "Men" anywhere. Fuck. I LOVE these dudes. But "Men" eludes me. Why can't I find "Men"? I looked online for men...I mean, "Men". I've checked the mall for "Men". All I want is to have "Men" in my ears all night long! WHY CAN'T I FIND "MEN"?!!! Not even iTunes. Form of Rocket? Please send me "Men." Please.
9. Your mom.
You may have noticed the change to the blog template. Or maybe you haven't because nobody comes here anymore. Either way, I'm gonna be adding some different pictures when I figure it out.
You know what would be rad? If any of the elite people who read this would send me some pictures. I don't care what of. It could be a turd in your toilet. It could be your turtleneck. It could be of the Christmas lights you hung on your house. It could be of a Silvertips game or your new boyfriend. I don't care. Just hook a brother up! I miss everyone!