Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Which one is the male? Posted by Picasa

Hello Simba. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Taking Retards to the Zoo. Well...at least ONE retard.


The wife and I took a trip to the Calgary Zoo this weekend. Wow. Cool freakin' plae. I know a few of you had a chance to check it out when you came up for the wedding. Hopefully you saw as many monkey parts as I did. At the zoo. Not the wedding.
The place is split up into different exhibits. Shocking I know. Shut up. There's Africa (the giraffes were awesome), Australia (kangaroos look like deer when they lay down. Taste like em' too), Canadian Wilds (just a buncha hockey players with mullets. And wolves. Cool.) Oh, and the dinosaur park! That was rad. It's like a miniature golf course with dinosaurs! Except it's huge. And there's no golfing. But it's a beautiful walk. I really dug it. There was a great view of the city from there. Just above the 'prehistoric' rocks, was the Calgary Tower and the rest of downtown. Later, it was destroyed by a bronosaurus. Posted by Picasa

The view from the dino park. Soon, we will turn you into oil! Posted by Picasa

Won't be stealin' my lunch again, will ya' Yogi? BEEYATCH! Posted by Picasa

Now you're a FOURceretops! It was heavenly. Posted by Picasa

Here's a picture of me. I snuck into one've the exhibits. Free food! Posted by Picasa

I left the stove ON!! And I'm gonna get eaten. Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 29, 2005

HAPPY BIRFDAY POP!!!


Happy Birthday Dad!! Consider all the good times that you've had with us kids before you jump!!! Oh wait...yeah. Do a flip!! Posted by Picasa

Stuck at the airport?

I went to the zoo this weekend. I'll tell you all about it. I gotta wait for the pictures to get developed. Yes I'm kickin' it old school. Yes I'm getting them put on a disc. Yes you should watch this funny ass clip. "I want to have babies" "So do I...five HUNDRED of em'!" "BABIES EVERYWHERE YEEEEAAAAHHH!". Check it, yo.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Moral Obligations


Poker. It's the new hotness. Broadcast on major television networks and available in smokey living rooms everywhere. I've never really played. I always seemed to wind up nekkid for some reason. In which case, EVERYbody loses. But now there's a way to START nekkid and nobody has to know. Unless you tell them. It's called playing 'online'. It's amazing. Apparently the 'internet' allows you to 'log on' and access a 'web' site that specializes in Poker and other gambling games! Pretty cool.Being in another country, it's kinda nice to interact with my friends and family through IM and e-mail. But now I can do it AND play games with them!Josh, my brother and I have been playing online poker at pokerstars.com. Well, mostly Josh and my brother. Last night was the second time I'd played. Kyle and Josh seem to know what they're doing. I get distracted by all the cards and bright colors. But it's okay since it's all for fake money. Kind of like gambling with Canadian money. So pokerstars.com allows you to download their software for free. Then you pick a screen name (so exciting!) and you can add an image as well. But you can only have ONE screen name. So if yours sucks, get over it. Their real sticklers about that! Once you've set up everything, you can go meet your homies at a table. At this point, you can chat with people at the table. What a great feature!Being the gentlemen that we are, the three of us try to involve everybody at the table in our conversations. Sometimes our conversations are about the cards at hand, the bets, or our health. They can become quite spirited! It was during one of these spirited conversations that we discovered pokerstars.com will actually EDIT curse words! So if I were to tell Josh to "eat my fucking asshole you cock sucking pussy shitter", it would look like "eat my ****ing ***hole you **** sucking ***** *****er." Wow. That's great! Who can be offended by "*"s? Nobody!At least that's what we thought. We took fullest advantage of this editing feature. Most conversations looked like:"Hey Josh, **** you. You ****ing **** **** lick. I'm gonna **** your mom in the **** shed." or"Hi guys. **** ****** ****** *** ** ************ **** ****."What's the problem, right? Well. There WAS a problem. Somebody at our table told us that if you get too many edits, you'll have your chat priveleges revoked. "**** that! That **** would have happened a long ****in' time ago!" Since this WAS at least our second session with such colorful language. We thought the dude was just joking. Nope. Apparently the morally upright people at pokerstars.com (you can play for real money too) hear about our dialog. They took a break from collecting their customers grocery money, college savings and Christmas cash, to set us straight. We got e-mails. I'd LOVE to see Kyle and Josh's. So if you could, you guys, send em' to me. Or post them in the comments.The great thing about the e-mail is that they wag a finger at us. Telling us how naughty we are. But you don't realize it at the time. As much. Because like I said, everything looks like ****. Not in the e-mail!! Holy ****in' ****!! We are BAD. The words show up as you typed them. OMFG! So on one hand, pokerstars.com is upholding morality. On the OTHER hand, they're robbing people of Keno money. At least they're not stinking up your favorite pizza joint/bar with their smoke at the video poker machines. Anyway, the editors at pokerstars.com must have the BEST ****in' job!! I mean, they have to read all this!! Holy cow. Pure comedy. I want that job. Here's the e-mail:Hello igloosyrup,
We have received a complaint regarding your use of inappropriate language at our tables. After reviewing the chat log (see below), itwas decided to remove your chat privileges for a period of 1 month.Your language was highly offensive and completely unacceptable.
Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Foul language and abuse of other players takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be permitted.
Please note that you may not be the only one receiving a message suchas this. When we receive a chat complaint, we review the entire chatof all players at the table. Any other offenders at the table were also warned or revoked as appropriate to our policies.
You may contact us in one month to have your chat privileges reinstated.
Regards,
SimonPokerStars Support Team
So yeah. My cat works for Pokerstars. I had no clue. Then beneath that are the offending sentences. So if you're easily offended, or feel like you know me. Don't read this ****:
igloosyrup (that's me) Yeah. I wanna put my **** in some *** then lick the **** off 8 8/26/2005 1:31:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup Who just shit their pants then wiped the shit on the table? 8 8/26/2005 1:33:31
igloosyrup Fuck! Really? 8 8/26/2005 1:34:00 AM24596969
igloosyrup We fuckin' said a buncha shit last time 8 8/26/2005 1:34:14 AM24596969
igloosyrup Goddam right. FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:34:38 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' right the fuck on! 8 8/26/2005 1:36:25 AM24596969
igloosyrup Ahem, what the fuckin shit fucky fuck shitting cunt licker fuckin crappy shitty fuck fuck. love. 24596969
igloosyrup I had vegetables with dinner. I feel shitty...like I'm gonna shit in my pjs. 1:37:55 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuckin' don't talk to me like that. FUCK. 8 8/26/2005 1:39:12 AM24596969
igloosyrup That fuckin shit. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:04 AM24596969
igloosyrup Oh man. That's fuckin' rad. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:44 AM24596969
igloosyrup I better fuckin' win! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:09 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCKIN FUCK SHITTY! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:50 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fucked. 8 8/26/2005 1:42:19 AM24596969
igloosyrup I need a fuckin drink 8 8/26/2005 1:42:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:43:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup I'll stick my **** in your ****ty **** hole 8 8/26/2005 1:43:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Been out raising fucking hell? 8 8/26/2005 1:45:31 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin pussy! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:11 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fuckin hot 8 8/26/2005 1:46:32 AM24596969
igloosyrup OH SHIT! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup She was watching! Oh fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:49 AM24596969
igloosyrup Baby, I can change! FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup Jesus said I was a good fuckin dude! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' pussy shitty beer 8 8/26/2005 1:48:15 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:48:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuck yeah! 8 8/26/2005 1:49:40 AM
Oh man. It's so bad!!! Hahahahahahaha!! Hi dad!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Calgarywood


I'm trying to use Microsoft Movie Maker. So if anybody has some video (in Microsoft format, not Quicktime) please send it to me. It's a great oppurtunity for both of us! I mean, in 3 years you can ask whatever happened to that video you sent. I can look at you all confused...then ask if you want ketchup with your fries. Posted by Picasa

Spam is dead. Long live Spam!! (Get an effin' screen name)


Alright. Due to the crazy ass spam, and all the tears it has caused, I've initiated Operation: AnoNO MAS! What's that mean? It means you gotta have a name, baby! A cause! Here's your chance to be totally effin' creative and set yourself apart with a screen name that describes who you are! Kid Toucher is already taken. Sorry. Anyway, this is going to be a blow to my ego. No more compliments on how well I write. No more multi comments. It was all a facade. I just wanted to feel POPULAR!! Whatever. Hey look. It's a zombie...made out of SPAM! Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


The last time I went golfing with Chris, we were TOTALLY tripping. This is at the Edgefield. There was something in the fries man. Posted by Picasa

Chris was cut out of the Ah-ha video. Take ME ON! Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Hot Robot of the Day. Posted by Picasa

Poor Joshy. You'll get through this. Just like the Mexican surgery! Chin up buddy! Posted by Picasa

Monday, August 22, 2005

2005 B.C. or Outside Providence

5 o' clock. The bags are packed. Toothpaste? Check. Food? Check. Sunblock? Check. 4 Hour drive with almost strangers? Check.
This weekend the wife and I took a road trip with some friends of hers. Shannon (who Angela has known since her days as a snychronized swimmer) and Shannon's mang, Jim. They had invited us to go to Shannon's parents cabin. It's in B.C. The drive was beautiful. Man, if you guys get a chance to come visit me, we'll get out've Calgary and you'll see how awesome this place is. The cabin is at a lake. Wasa Lake. Which invited many jokes. As in "Wasa Lake Motel....what is it NOW?! NEeeyahahahahaha!!!" "All he wanted WASA cookie! Neeeyahahahahaha!" It continued all weekend. And of course, it NEVER got old. The lake was freakin' rad. It's super shallow, so it's pretty warm. At least it was whenever I was in the water. Our hosts had access to a boat, water skis, a kneeboard and water biscuits. Holy crap. As I type, my whole body aches. I was able to wate ski for the first time. My ass is SO kicked. But that shit is FUN. We also went swimming in the lake. I'm pretty sunburnt. Apparently there was also a badger in the area. There were signs. Not badger poop and tracks, but signs. "Warning: A badger has been sighted in the area. Do not approach." I don't understand. He was very nice. Served the BEST iced mocha's. Anyway, on Sunday we swam in the morning. Nobody was at the lake. It was like glass, as they say. Angela and I are chillin' on the "beach" when an ASSLOAD of people show up. In their Sunday best. Crap."Uhhh, check that out." "Oh wow, must've just gotten out of church." It was a beautiful day. About 25 by noon (bout'85 F). Made sense some of the locals would come to the lake after church. But that's where we were mistaken. It wasn't AFTER church. It was DURING church. "I think it's a funeral" I said. "Nooo...not many black outfits." "Well, I don't think hip hop is popular with the church crowd." Then the pastor started talking, other people came up and spoke...they they walked to the lake. My tattooed and self can't stop staring at the people staring at me. Then the walked INTO the lake. It was a freakin' baptism!! Creeeeeeeeepy. Angela and I tried playing Speed (thanks Mila!!) while people were accepting Jesus into their lives. Then being drowned. WTF?!! Alright. I couldn't sit still anymore. As the congregation sang along with an acoustic guitar ( I bet that dude gets ALL the church poontang!) I ran into the lake. I'm gonna get me some second hand Jesus. So as I sit in my apartment on Monday, I can tell you that Jesus is ALL OVER me. My skin burns. Plus I totally got in trouble for staring n' stuff. Angela was brought up all Catholic n' stuff. But it was still pretty funny...man, she was mad. I mean, who knew that cannon balls were sac religious?!! Or that screaming "SATAN OWNS THESE WATERS!!" would cause so many gun shots in my direction. I learned the hard way.Then we drove home and I learned a little about the history of Canada. Pretty cool. Laiiiiiiid back. Except the part about the hanging, Chinese slavery and the French appeasment. That's why all the signs are in French. Back in the day, they had to make the Frenchies feel like they had kind've won a part of the war. Now we all suffer for it. Kinda weird, the French were treated like the Natives. I'm gonna learn more. Anyway, hopefully everyone else had a rad weekend too. Paix dehors!!!

Friday, August 19, 2005


It's the Muppet Show...YAAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAY! Man, this is awesome. Muppets on DVD. Kermit turns 50 next month. Those 2 old guys were on a preseason football game the other day. One've em' said "....for shizzle." Sacrelig? Yeah. But still kinda funny...only 2 years behind the trendizzle. So, I'm gonna be renting/buying...uhhh...asking my wife to rent/buy those dvd's. Swedish Chef...Pigs in Space...ANNIMAL ANIMAL! Man. I miss the muppets. I even miss Muppet Babies.

So yeah. Hopefully I'll have an update to give on the dvd's.One that involves me owning/watching them. Apparently there's tons of rad special features. And best wishes to Kermit on his 50th. He still looks so young! I sent him an e-mail asking how he's stayed so young and fit after so many years. Seeing as we're all closin' in on our mid life crisis', it'd be nice to at least look good. So Kermie told me his secret. "I eat lots of pork...hahahaha". Thanks for the tip Kermit! I don't know what he's laughing about though. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, August 18, 2005


Flashback! Again! Because I don't have an effing camera!1!11!one!!eleven!!!1 Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Which one of these things is not like the other... Posted by Picasa

Man. Vegas can be so BORING. This picture has been in my archives since it was too dark. But I was finally able to bring out the image with some doctorin'. Sweet! Good night my sweet asian brothers. I'll join you shortly. Posted by Picasa

Riddle Me This

What's from Texas, has 4 wheels, 3 balls and one brain? Give up? Click for answer.

Ted recently took up the ancient sport of Ireland. He calls it Hurling. I think he's just being modest...LORD OF THE DANCE! You go boy! Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Dedicated to mi amigo: Amber Alert

As if you need any other reason not to go to see Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Chris sent me this review from Ebert. I still can't get over that Chris likes this old guy. But now I kinda understand. There was a great review of it in a Calgary Weekly: FFWD. It's kinda like The Stranger or Willamette Week. But not as cool. Don't have to worry about seeing my Dad in there. Except in the personals. Anyway, here's the review (just for you Chris).

XXX

This will make many lives so much easier. What would SesameStreet.XXX look like? Gapingaholes.xxx is pretty self explanatory though.

Monday, August 15, 2005

I Can Smell Your BRAAIIIINSSSSSS!!!!

Oh man, Return of the Living Dead. What the hell is wrong with me? How did I go for so long without seeing this effing movie? A buncha 80's punks getting eaten by zombies? "Why do you think I dress like this? You think it's a costume?! IT'S A LIFESTYLE!!!" Ohhhh man. Awesome. It's meant to be comedy/cheesy. And it is. At one point, one of the girls gets nekkid. For no effing reason. She starts dancing. Angela asked me "What is she DOING?!" I had to explain the 80's and the blatant T n' A that pertainted to the decade to her. Later that nekkid girl turns into a nekkid zombie. Very interesting character development. It was made by the dude who wrote Alien. I had no idea.We also went to Angela's amiga's house. Pam. She was having a farewell party. Where's Pam going? Oh, South Korea. Why's she going? To teach English. Really? Yup. So she speaks Korean? Nope. That's right. No Korean. She DOES speak Chinese though. So...yeah. Anyway, Pam's a cool chick. Her parents are effin' hilarious. Her mom tried to get me wasted (she's Chinese) and her dad makes the best chicken wings EVER. At least they said it was chicken. Huh. Some of you might remember Pam from the wedding. She was the Asian one. Calm down Kyle. Angela and I were the first to arrive to the party. Hung out for a bit, then Pam's Uncle Ken and Aunty (not sure...just Aunty) showed up. Thery're Chinese as well. Why do I mention where they come from? Oh, it's very relevent, yo. Y'see, my wife and I are honky's. Most honky folk who live here are from Europe/Canada. So I made a point to keep my Yank' background on the dl. Uncle Ken, Aunty, myself and the rest of the guests got into various discussions. Somehow it came up that Americans were arrogant n' stuff. Oh man. Awesome. So I agreed. "They're also ugly, loud....man, I HATE THEM!!" Well, Uncle Ken agreed. Aunty looked at me a bit surprised. Every chance I got I was busting on Americans and blaming everything on them/me. Still they had no clue. "Oh, don't get me started on those GODDAMN Americans!!" I continued "Abercrombie and Fitch? Just another evil racist American company! They're all the same!!!" Somehow (of course) war comes up. It was awesome. Eventually I got sold out by one of the other guests.
"I can't STAND those 'Mericans!!"
"But Ryan. Where are you from?"
"Portland, Oregon. USA."
Uncle Ken- ...Me- "Mooowhahahahah!!"
Uncle Ken- ....(looking at the table)
Aunty - "I thaw you seem like you hate too much! You so loud, I KNEW it!!!"
Uncle Ken- (plotting my death) "You know the thing bout' Americans?"
Me- "What?"Uncle Ken- "They're jus' misunderstood."
Me and the guests- ....
Me- "...snicker...Moowahahaha! That's not what you were saying 5 minutes ago!!AHAHAHAHAHA!" Man. It was great. From there on, we talked about how cool Americans were because we sold China jet fighters n' stuff. It was awesome. So anyway, good luck to Pam.
We went and had dinner with the in-laws yesterday. Pretty fun. Had salmon. Learned about WINMX, because Napster is weeeeeeak. Thanks though, Kyle. I'm listening to Napster right now. But I can't take it away from my pooter'. Even though a subscription fee has been paid. You have to pay an ADDITIONAL 99 cents per track if you wanna burn them. Bastards.
I also mentioned to the in-laws (in a move of suck uppedness gone wrong) that I'd like to go ice skating this winter."ICE skating?!! It's SKATING ya' fawk!" Oh man. "Of course it's on ice! Maybe we'll get you a leotard!" Woops. Though I think I'd look pretty good in a leotard. Apparently ICE skating is for girls/Brian Boitano. I don't even want to mention what happened when I said I wanted a helmet. Sigh. I'll never live it down. Apparently I have tourettes now as well. At least that's what my Father-In-Law has diagnosed me with. SHITPOOYDUCKCOFFEEASSHOLE!! I don't know where he got that from.

Canada: EFF YEAH!

I'm actually breaking the rules by NOT typing eff yoo see kay! I mean the word. Because I just DID type it. Whatever. I'm getting a newspaper subscription.

Sunday, August 14, 2005


Make way for X-TREEEEM Elvis and X-J.C. 4000!! They're totally ripping up the pipe in a contest that will decide who the real King is! (Elvis died today...well not TOday. But on this date. Whatever.) Posted by Picasa

Sorry E. Long live the King! Posted by Picasa

Friday, August 12, 2005

Photoshhiiiiiyeeeeeeeeit-op!

As I sit here in all my dressed after 1pm glory, I can't help but feel a little unfulfilled. Ripped off even. You may ask: Why? Why would you feel that way, Ryguy? You're obviously a busy man with amazing looks and even more amazing abilities to hump inanimate objects. You may also ask yourself: Where is that large automobile? Same as it ever was, same as it ever was...And the days go by....ahem. Huh? Sorry.
Ripped off. Right. Now, more than likely these feelings stem from my youth that was wasted selling fruit on the side of road so I could afford a new Powell skateboard. By selling fruit, I mean oranges. At stoplights. But I think these feelings come DIRECTLY from wasting a few hours in Photoshop. I'm trying to learn how to make smoke! It involves using the "smudge" tool. This is according to the official tips and tricks on the web. Well guess what tips and tricks? I DON'T HAVE THAT EFFING TOOL!!! And if I DO have it...well, it's selling oranges somewhere. So now after figuring out how to highlight/cut/make new background colors...I'm stuck. No smoke. Which makes me wanna start. Maybe I'll figger it out this weekend. Maybe.
It looks like it's actually gonna be nice. So I GUESS I'm gonna have to get out of the house. Maybe go to the video store! AWESOME!!!! Get some chocolate peanut butter ice cream? Doesn't exist in Canada. But I'd like to find some. Please don't send me any samples of the 'homemade' variety. Sick dude.

The Catcher in the Rye? Nope, the Rye in the Catcher! INDEED! Posted by Picasa

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Peeee-yimp My Blog

Holy cow. Being an immigrant is awesome. I get to add all this badass stuff to my blog while my wife is at work. So X and I have been busy installing all these CRAZY upgrades! I couldn't believe it when he showed up. So we hit some Ken and started trickin' out this here blog! Added a counter. Made the Tag Board so I can have another blank spot on my blog. Hey Josh...eat my dust!

I miss you Moby. Posted by Picasa

A very STARTLING change of events. Moby Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!! Posted by Picasa