Resolutions n' Updates...Resupdateolutions!

Wow. 2006...it's already here?! Wait...it's August? Time for some New Year's Resolutions!!!As I sit here at my new lil' Ikea Robin desk (desk!), I feel my pants tighten. Nope, not there. Though if I look at that picture long enough, they WILL get tight there. Y'see, I've grown stronger over the last couple of months. I can feel it. I can even see it in my arms...soon I'll be the champ. Hulk, you better look out. Y'see, this job has helped in the strentgh department, but not in the cardio/hair growth department. I'm actually in the worst cardio shape of my life. No Josh to dunk on while playing basketball. No Chris to...umm...Chris? How's YOUR cardio? Kyle?!! ARE YOU BREATHING?!!! No, walking to Jack in the Box doesn't count. Sorry.Anyway, lifting granite isn't as awesome as it sounds. Shocking? I know, I know. So I'm gonna get my ass outta this 30 year old slump. Resolution numero uno?
1. Get my ass MOVING again. Due to my twisted ankle in an earlier attempt at playing basketball, I haven't been able to. But the ankle is better now. At least, that's what my gut is telling me. Because I can't see my ankle. The gut is assuring me that's it's okay though. So I'll be dusting off the ol' yellow bike and terrorizing my new neighborhood.

Are you ready ass? Let's go.

I've also been neglecting some other things other than myself. What might that be? Why, you. YOU dear reader. I apologize for leaving you in the car with the windows up on that hot summer day. But daddy HAD to go into that business establishment for a couple of hours. I know it was hot in there. But imagine how I felt knowing you were locked in that car while I had to make a decision whether or not to double down. It pains me.
It also pains me that I've neglected the blog so much recently. Funny how getting a job and an Xbox360 (still a lame name for that machine) can put a damper on typing shit. NO MORE! Why? Because Call of Duty is losing it's luster. Hahahahahahhahahaha!!! How is that possible after playing only once week? Well, sheeeee-yit, that ties into my next resolution! More video games. That's right. I've wasted too much time in between activity/non activity. In the middle. Which has resulted to more in the middle of me. MORE biking/running (from the cops) and more video games with my homies. I'm hoping they'll see the light and pick up some Perfect Dark. As if I've had a bad idea YET. Let's GO boys.
2. More blogging.
3. More video games. I'm working on it. It's a resolution. Eat a d.

I'd also like to resolve to have penis reduction surgery. MAN! It's getting so hard (hahaha!) to walk with this thing!
I've also gotta eat healthier. That's TOTALLY cliche, I know. But it's a fact. I went to the Doctor to ask him about that reduction surgery and he told me not until I get my cholesterol down. I'm like 32% above normal he said. And I'm all like "Look doc, I KNOW. That's why I need the surgery. Besides, I'd say I'm closer to 40% above normal...look at it!"
After he slapped me, he told me he was talking about my cholesterol. So my cholesterol is 32% above normal. My question is this: Can I get superpowers from having higher levels of cholesterol? I'll let you guys know.
4. Eat more. Healthy. Eat more healthy. Is Crisco healthy?
How can this possibly be bad cholesterol?

Let's see here...what else...ummm...OH! I resolve to whoop ass in my fantasy football league (AGAIN) this year. I also resolve not to grow the stache' this year.
5. Keep kicking ass.

I also resolve to keep downloading music. Legit style. I hate you iTunes...wait...come back here. I love you baby...here's ten bucks, gimme some good music...
6. Keep rocking while kicking ass.
I think that's it for now. What else? Help me out here. The flood gates are....OPEN!!! (just like Chris' butt cheeks).