Jesus Juice!

Congrats on the new whip, homey! 

Have you theen my bathketbah?

Yesterday was the first day of my basketball league. It was only like thirty bucks to play...so at this rate I'm paying about a dollar a second. My team currently consists of a bunch of dudes that don't know each other. I'll schedule a drum circle.

I know you're dying to know, so I'll just get this out of the way. We lost. Not badly. But we lost. It wasn't fair. Apparently the other team was able to recruit all the black people in Calgary onto their team. Yep, they got BOTH of them. Freakin' messed up, man.

You know what else is messed up? My ankle. Within 15 seconds I had blocked a shot, went for a rebound...and paid for it. I was sprawled on the paint (that's hot...with three x's) wondering what country I was in. Then I remembered...they're gonna put leeches on me to get rid of the swelling!!

So yeah. I sprained the CRAP out of my ankle. I heard it pop when it happened...very similar to the sound of pulling one's 'finger' out of Chris' belly button. "POP!" Except, there was no laughing. So now I have to call work and tell them I can't make it in for a couple of weeks. I hope they understand.

Do it for the kids!

Wanna help me find a lost kitten? 

Cue the "Too Much Time" shit...

 

I Love Polls!

Today is voting day in Canada. I know this is late. But I'll have a chance to use it again in less than a year. Once hockey is over and these guys realize what's going on, they're gonna want ANOTHER election. The current government has been in place for a little more than a year. The U.S. could learn a thing or two... 

Superbowl Party

I just want everyone to know. You're invited. There'll be nachos, soda, candy and my AWESOME company. And Simon. Lot's of Simon for everyone. And a little bit of Owen...when he feels like it.
What a great day Sunday was. I'm still living it. I haven't slept...it's almost 6am, my wife is doing her morning work out. I'm drinking coffee. Not excercising. I will be soon, though. Basketball starts on Wednesday. I'm hoping the fact that I haven't played since my semi-pro days with Slag won't hurt me. I think the fact that I'm American gives me an edge though...right? USA USA! I mean, is there even ONE good Canadian basketball player? Heck no! Oh man. I'm gonna get my ass kicked on Wednesday. You know how some people can't sleep because of work? I don't get that. But I DO worry about missing lay ups and what little jump shot I had being left behind with my comic books. Whatever. The Seahawks are going to the Superbowl.
I was cheering like my fellow Americans. But I think my neighbors were trying to find the hockey game I was so excited aboot. Canadian Dad brought over a good luck shrimp ring and a new Seahawks pin...Ramblin' Rod style.
So you guys are all invited to the only Superbowl party in Alberta. The only one that counts at least. Bring my jumpshot, please.

XL

 

Busted!

 

I am HOT!

Chris just couldn't satisfy me. So I took things into my own hands. 

Memories

This is how I remember it happening. We parked our racecars, got wasted on Cristal. Thanks Chrissy Bear! 

King Kong

Moments later, I lost an eye and a nipple. The eye I can do without, but how are my kids gonna eat?! I guess, I'll just have to look at the bright side. People love pirates. 

Happy Birfday Karl

Happy Birfday lil' brudder! I've made a very special birfday message just for you...under the influence of pain killers, cat nip and caffeine. Enjoy! (Effing hosting site is down! I HATE YOU SOMETIMES BLOGGER! WHY CAN'T I HOST AUDIO?!!! Enjoy the e-mail, Karl).
Okay, here we go...HAPPY BIRFDAY!!

EFF YES!

YES!!

Jake Plummer Award: Update

Just in case you forgot, Karl is required to grow a mustache. You can view his progress over at his "blog". He seems to have caught whatever Slag has, though. As his blog hasn't been updated in awhile. That's offensive to people such as myself that can't track his progress. What's the point if we can't all enjoy this?
Well, I'll tell you. I sent some of my spies down to the States to get a picture of Karl. His progress is actually quite stunning. Check it out...I wonder if it sucks to trim.

Hold the Bacon

W better care about this guy. 

I'm pretty, oh so pretty...

The roofies...they work miracles... 

Makin' My Ears Smile

Constantines - Do yourself a favor and get this album. I don't care what your morals are, buy it, download it. Just get it. Miss Elliott Smith? Get this. Embarrassed that you like Bruce Springsteen or Clapton? Get this. Just sick of all the weak ass indie rock out there that's gonna wind up in the dollar bins at Tower Records? Get this...tell your friends you heard it before it was on The OC. You listening Death Cab for Cutie?
DangerDoom- Holy crap. This is so out of my usual...rap. So good, though. It's like nerd rap...but good. References about Cartoon Network? Guest appearances by Talib Kweli and Ghostface? Beats with organs and horns. Space Ghost? Yeah, he's on there. I love it. Too many musicians being too serious these days. Not here, this is shit to clean the house too, make road trips to, eat brownies to. Slag. Get this.
BARS- Not as accessible as the other 2 bands. At least not to most of the people I know. But damn man, these guys ROCK my ass. Former members of The Hope Conspiracy and Give up the Ghost (PISSED!) got together and started this band that will eat your face and then poop it out. If you need something to encourage your road rage or something to kick small animals to, this is it. I can't stop listening to it. It goes with me on runs and bike rides. Just good rockin' melodic hardcore.

Arrested Development: Immersion

I got Arrested Development: Season 2 from my loving wife for Christmas. So we've been watching a few episodes every couple've nights. Such a great show. I can't believe it's going away. Fox shoved Prison Break down our collective throats during the NFL season, but NOTHING about Arrested Development. I take that back. I think there was a week that it was advertised early in the season. The whole cast was desperatley hucking the show and the new date (Monday) it was going to be shown. One of the premises was turning "Monday" into a bad word. I think it was GOB who told Michael to "Go Monday yourself." Man. Even the commercials were awesome.
Anyway, the DVDs are awesome. I'm hoping for some nice commentaries and other extras. The one on disc one was a bit of a letdown. Too many people trying to get their one liners in at once.
So with all this Arrested Development goin' down, it's been on my mind. So I decided to see if David Cross (Tobias) had a web site. He does. Shocking. He wrote a letter to Larry The Cable Guy (the Git R Done butthole) that's posted there. If you have 10 minutes, you should check it out. Effing hilarious.
After I was done farting the letter, I was curious as to what type of merchandise was available. Not much, but what IS availabe is pretty effing sweet. Check it out.
I'm hoping that maybe (Maebe) once the show is done, they'll sell some of the props/wardrobe. I want GOB' robe.

I'm not Jewish...But I'm still getting gifts! Thanks Slag!

I just got my Xmas present from Slag today. Some tasty wrapping paper and America: The Book. Awesome! I got it for both my parents last year...but felt empty for not having it myself. Thanks for filling me up Slag. 

Jake Plummer Award: The Main Event

Wow. Seveenteen weeks...gone. I can't believe the regular season is over, and with it, the Mustache Contest. Defying every oppurtunity given to him to avoid the flavor saver, Karl will now be driving a windowless van asking kids to help him find a "kitten" that he can't reach in the back seat. I fell for it twice.
Did Karl go forward gracefully? As gracefully as Maurice Clarrett can pull off an armed robbery. I believe Karl's final offer to me to be the surrogate whisker momma was 250 bucks. But that pales in value of his birthday pictures. That's right. Karl will be sporting the cookie duster for his 27th birthday...January 18th. So while you're feeding him shots of Sambuca, keep in mind that his mustache is absorbing some of it on the way in and some of it on the way out. Chris knows what I'm talkin' about.
Speaking of Chris, he and Karl are currently on their way to the Casino. Maybe to get some tips from the blackjack dealers as to how to groom a mustache. It certainly can't be to gamble. Not with Karl's luck.
Dealer (not the kind you get brownie ingridients from):"Gentleman has 18"
Karl : "Hit me."
Dealer: "Gentleman has 21!"
Karl: "Hit me."
Dealer: "Uhhh...gentleman busts."
Karl: "Hit me."
I'm pretty sure that was a Family Guy bit. Karl's a lot like Peter. But with a mustache. And fatter. And with a mustache. Did we mention the mustache?
Karl can also finally complete his Freddie Mercury impersonation...he was only missing the mustache before. Hahaha. Much love to my lil' brudder. He can make it on his own!