Uhhhh....do I have a mullet? And is that outlet overloaded?!!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Airing Out the Apartment
A thick cloud lingers in the air. It's presence known, but not seen. It's origins can be heard and smelled. Traced back to a place that many have been and seen...if they were lucky enough to make it out alive. A cavern. Nestled between two huge wedges of hairy, pasty skin. The place?My brothers rank ass. He's gone now. But his presence remains. In the form of burnt nostril hairs and sharp socks left under the futon. But the window is open now and the HAZMAT team is on their way. I fear that Simon may lose paw after batting the sock. We'll see what the stitches do.
Between bouts of flatulence and cigarettes, we had a good time. The visit started last Friday as Kyle arrived at aboot midnight. Saturday morning brought us an early wake up. We were headed to Banff and Lake Louise. This'll be a trip that everybody (assuming anyone will) that comes up for a visit will take.
We packed a lunch and ate it at the lake. Kyle packed some smokes and my jacket. And some fudge. It rained a little bit and the clouds gave the mountains an eery, imposing look. Kyle was baffled as we explained to him that we were going to "walk" along a trail for about an hour. After we administered First Aid, Kyle got up and said "Walk for an hour?!" Once the paramedics left, we allowed Kyle a cigarrete and started the walk. He kept up pretty well. In fact, in the end it was worth it. We saw a grizzly bear! It was more of a brown spot on the other side of lake in a meadow of yellow flowers. Sort of like my underwear. A brown spot in a yellow area.
We watched the bear walk around for a while. Then we told Kyle it was time to walk back.You know, smelling salts are ALWAYS good to have. "BACK?!! Isn't there a car or somethin'?" No. So we walked back. Man, I love that place. That evening we stayed in Banff. Our hotel was the YWCA. Yup. It's like a hostel. Lots of students n' stuff. No TV. And we could hear each other use the bathroom due to the layout. Took full advatage of that.
After we dropped our stuff off at the Y, we headed out to get some dinner. About 12 craps later we ate outside at a bar with an open patio on top of the building. Awesome view of the mountains. Seriously, all our bellies were kinda tore up, but Kyle crapped at every freakin' bathroom in Banff. And the one at Lake Louise. VERY impressive.
On Sunday we headed out of Banff, and stopped in Canmore. Canmore is another cool little mountain town. They play host to The Highland Games every year. Angela's family (being Scottish) were going to attending. Since it's on our way, we went as well. Not too exciting. Except for all the dudes in kilts! YEAH! Oh, and the Bagpipe competition. Pretty cool. At the end all the bagpipe bands fought each other to the death! So cool! Oh wait. No, that was something else. They actually all bag piped together. Like, there was, like...ummm...a million of them!! Or maybe a couple hundred. Pretty cool. Then it ended.At that point we drove home. It was also going to be one of the last times Kyle and I would breathe fresh air.
Thus began the era of Outlaw Golf 2. Holy crap. We rented that game...and never saw daylight again. It was hilarious. And addicting. Just check it out. There's something for everyone. By everyone, I mean Chris. You can play as/against strippers. Kyle and I played as El Suave. A Spanish Metro. Awesome.
Oh, and then Football started. Angela never stood a chance. Video games, farting, football, farting, Kyle talking back, farting. Good times. Oh, and Chris? My X-box is is totally Monday'd.
So I think that might Monday up our chances of playing Madden on X-Box Live. That and the fact that you don't have internet at home.
So, that was the week in a nutshell. We're having a huge bonfire tonight. The weather is supposed to be clear and we have to burn the futon.
Between bouts of flatulence and cigarettes, we had a good time. The visit started last Friday as Kyle arrived at aboot midnight. Saturday morning brought us an early wake up. We were headed to Banff and Lake Louise. This'll be a trip that everybody (assuming anyone will) that comes up for a visit will take.
We packed a lunch and ate it at the lake. Kyle packed some smokes and my jacket. And some fudge. It rained a little bit and the clouds gave the mountains an eery, imposing look. Kyle was baffled as we explained to him that we were going to "walk" along a trail for about an hour. After we administered First Aid, Kyle got up and said "Walk for an hour?!" Once the paramedics left, we allowed Kyle a cigarrete and started the walk. He kept up pretty well. In fact, in the end it was worth it. We saw a grizzly bear! It was more of a brown spot on the other side of lake in a meadow of yellow flowers. Sort of like my underwear. A brown spot in a yellow area.
We watched the bear walk around for a while. Then we told Kyle it was time to walk back.You know, smelling salts are ALWAYS good to have. "BACK?!! Isn't there a car or somethin'?" No. So we walked back. Man, I love that place. That evening we stayed in Banff. Our hotel was the YWCA. Yup. It's like a hostel. Lots of students n' stuff. No TV. And we could hear each other use the bathroom due to the layout. Took full advatage of that.
After we dropped our stuff off at the Y, we headed out to get some dinner. About 12 craps later we ate outside at a bar with an open patio on top of the building. Awesome view of the mountains. Seriously, all our bellies were kinda tore up, but Kyle crapped at every freakin' bathroom in Banff. And the one at Lake Louise. VERY impressive.
On Sunday we headed out of Banff, and stopped in Canmore. Canmore is another cool little mountain town. They play host to The Highland Games every year. Angela's family (being Scottish) were going to attending. Since it's on our way, we went as well. Not too exciting. Except for all the dudes in kilts! YEAH! Oh, and the Bagpipe competition. Pretty cool. At the end all the bagpipe bands fought each other to the death! So cool! Oh wait. No, that was something else. They actually all bag piped together. Like, there was, like...ummm...a million of them!! Or maybe a couple hundred. Pretty cool. Then it ended.At that point we drove home. It was also going to be one of the last times Kyle and I would breathe fresh air.
Thus began the era of Outlaw Golf 2. Holy crap. We rented that game...and never saw daylight again. It was hilarious. And addicting. Just check it out. There's something for everyone. By everyone, I mean Chris. You can play as/against strippers. Kyle and I played as El Suave. A Spanish Metro. Awesome.
Oh, and then Football started. Angela never stood a chance. Video games, farting, football, farting, Kyle talking back, farting. Good times. Oh, and Chris? My X-box is is totally Monday'd.
So I think that might Monday up our chances of playing Madden on X-Box Live. That and the fact that you don't have internet at home.
So, that was the week in a nutshell. We're having a huge bonfire tonight. The weather is supposed to be clear and we have to burn the futon.
Friday, September 09, 2005
More Twins. Screw You.
I haven't posted in a week. SO?!! Here's more NFL twins. Amber Alert and I noticed this one last season. I'm so excited for Sunday. CHURCH ROCKS! We got a whole BATCH of baby goats for the volcano god!! Oh, and that's Martin Lawrence and the QB for the Saint Aaron Brooks.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Swallowing Your Pride.
Salt. Garlic powder. Flour....yeah. My ingridients are mixed. I've got some nice dough goin'. It'll be ready to rock here soon. Have a nice home made vegetable pot pie. Cleaned up the apartment. Dusted off my skateboard and went for a couple block ride. Awesome. While waiting for the veggies to be all good n' shit, I was trying to update my Blogger Template. Y'know, the colors n' shit. Mr. Slag recently updated his. Looks all legit and sciencey.
So I figure, maybe I can get some ideas from some of the other blogs around here. So I'm clicking "Next Blog"...."Next Blog"....when I come across this blog. I get the impression that they're Canadian. Mostly because the profile shows that the blog is base outta Ontario. No. Not the state. The PROVINCE. Anyway, the latest post is that of a letter. A letter from a husband to his soon to be ex-wife. I can't imagine. But I know some of you can. And because of that, this is for you: (go visit the site, it's pretty G.D. funny)
Dear Connie:
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
For example, two weeks ago I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?
But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.
I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.
Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant 'til later, but that's not the real story.
Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18.And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really intothe whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrustinginside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think wecould start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?
Love,Dan
So I figure, maybe I can get some ideas from some of the other blogs around here. So I'm clicking "Next Blog"...."Next Blog"....when I come across this blog. I get the impression that they're Canadian. Mostly because the profile shows that the blog is base outta Ontario. No. Not the state. The PROVINCE. Anyway, the latest post is that of a letter. A letter from a husband to his soon to be ex-wife. I can't imagine. But I know some of you can. And because of that, this is for you: (go visit the site, it's pretty G.D. funny)
Dear Connie:
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore.The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.
For example, two weeks ago I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right?
But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.
I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you.
Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant 'til later, but that's not the real story.
Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18.And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really intothe whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrustinginside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think wecould start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is?
Love,Dan
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Taking Retards to the Zoo. Well...at least ONE retard.
The wife and I took a trip to the Calgary Zoo this weekend. Wow. Cool freakin' plae. I know a few of you had a chance to check it out when you came up for the wedding. Hopefully you saw as many monkey parts as I did. At the zoo. Not the wedding.
The place is split up into different exhibits. Shocking I know. Shut up. There's Africa (the giraffes were awesome), Australia (kangaroos look like deer when they lay down. Taste like em' too), Canadian Wilds (just a buncha hockey players with mullets. And wolves. Cool.) Oh, and the dinosaur park! That was rad. It's like a miniature golf course with dinosaurs! Except it's huge. And there's no golfing. But it's a beautiful walk. I really dug it. There was a great view of the city from there. Just above the 'prehistoric' rocks, was the Calgary Tower and the rest of downtown. Later, it was destroyed by a bronosaurus.
Monday, August 29, 2005
HAPPY BIRFDAY POP!!!
Happy Birthday Dad!! Consider all the good times that you've had with us kids before you jump!!! Oh wait...yeah. Do a flip!!
Stuck at the airport?
I went to the zoo this weekend. I'll tell you all about it. I gotta wait for the pictures to get developed. Yes I'm kickin' it old school. Yes I'm getting them put on a disc. Yes you should watch this funny ass clip. "I want to have babies" "So do I...five HUNDRED of em'!" "BABIES EVERYWHERE YEEEEAAAAHHH!". Check it, yo.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Moral Obligations
Poker. It's the new hotness. Broadcast on major television networks and available in smokey living rooms everywhere. I've never really played. I always seemed to wind up nekkid for some reason. In which case, EVERYbody loses. But now there's a way to START nekkid and nobody has to know. Unless you tell them. It's called playing 'online'. It's amazing. Apparently the 'internet' allows you to 'log on' and access a 'web' site that specializes in Poker and other gambling games! Pretty cool.Being in another country, it's kinda nice to interact with my friends and family through IM and e-mail. But now I can do it AND play games with them!Josh, my brother and I have been playing online poker at pokerstars.com. Well, mostly Josh and my brother. Last night was the second time I'd played. Kyle and Josh seem to know what they're doing. I get distracted by all the cards and bright colors. But it's okay since it's all for fake money. Kind of like gambling with Canadian money. So pokerstars.com allows you to download their software for free. Then you pick a screen name (so exciting!) and you can add an image as well. But you can only have ONE screen name. So if yours sucks, get over it. Their real sticklers about that! Once you've set up everything, you can go meet your homies at a table. At this point, you can chat with people at the table. What a great feature!Being the gentlemen that we are, the three of us try to involve everybody at the table in our conversations. Sometimes our conversations are about the cards at hand, the bets, or our health. They can become quite spirited! It was during one of these spirited conversations that we discovered pokerstars.com will actually EDIT curse words! So if I were to tell Josh to "eat my fucking asshole you cock sucking pussy shitter", it would look like "eat my ****ing ***hole you **** sucking ***** *****er." Wow. That's great! Who can be offended by "*"s? Nobody!At least that's what we thought. We took fullest advantage of this editing feature. Most conversations looked like:"Hey Josh, **** you. You ****ing **** **** lick. I'm gonna **** your mom in the **** shed." or"Hi guys. **** ****** ****** *** ** ************ **** ****."What's the problem, right? Well. There WAS a problem. Somebody at our table told us that if you get too many edits, you'll have your chat priveleges revoked. "**** that! That **** would have happened a long ****in' time ago!" Since this WAS at least our second session with such colorful language. We thought the dude was just joking. Nope. Apparently the morally upright people at pokerstars.com (you can play for real money too) hear about our dialog. They took a break from collecting their customers grocery money, college savings and Christmas cash, to set us straight. We got e-mails. I'd LOVE to see Kyle and Josh's. So if you could, you guys, send em' to me. Or post them in the comments.The great thing about the e-mail is that they wag a finger at us. Telling us how naughty we are. But you don't realize it at the time. As much. Because like I said, everything looks like ****. Not in the e-mail!! Holy ****in' ****!! We are BAD. The words show up as you typed them. OMFG! So on one hand, pokerstars.com is upholding morality. On the OTHER hand, they're robbing people of Keno money. At least they're not stinking up your favorite pizza joint/bar with their smoke at the video poker machines. Anyway, the editors at pokerstars.com must have the BEST ****in' job!! I mean, they have to read all this!! Holy cow. Pure comedy. I want that job. Here's the e-mail:Hello igloosyrup,
We have received a complaint regarding your use of inappropriate language at our tables. After reviewing the chat log (see below), itwas decided to remove your chat privileges for a period of 1 month.Your language was highly offensive and completely unacceptable.
Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Foul language and abuse of other players takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be permitted.
Please note that you may not be the only one receiving a message suchas this. When we receive a chat complaint, we review the entire chatof all players at the table. Any other offenders at the table were also warned or revoked as appropriate to our policies.
You may contact us in one month to have your chat privileges reinstated.
Regards,
SimonPokerStars Support Team
So yeah. My cat works for Pokerstars. I had no clue. Then beneath that are the offending sentences. So if you're easily offended, or feel like you know me. Don't read this ****:
igloosyrup (that's me) Yeah. I wanna put my **** in some *** then lick the **** off 8 8/26/2005 1:31:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup Who just shit their pants then wiped the shit on the table? 8 8/26/2005 1:33:31
igloosyrup Fuck! Really? 8 8/26/2005 1:34:00 AM24596969
igloosyrup We fuckin' said a buncha shit last time 8 8/26/2005 1:34:14 AM24596969
igloosyrup Goddam right. FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:34:38 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' right the fuck on! 8 8/26/2005 1:36:25 AM24596969
igloosyrup Ahem, what the fuckin shit fucky fuck shitting cunt licker fuckin crappy shitty fuck fuck. love. 24596969
igloosyrup I had vegetables with dinner. I feel shitty...like I'm gonna shit in my pjs. 1:37:55 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuckin' don't talk to me like that. FUCK. 8 8/26/2005 1:39:12 AM24596969
igloosyrup That fuckin shit. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:04 AM24596969
igloosyrup Oh man. That's fuckin' rad. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:44 AM24596969
igloosyrup I better fuckin' win! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:09 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCKIN FUCK SHITTY! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:50 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fucked. 8 8/26/2005 1:42:19 AM24596969
igloosyrup I need a fuckin drink 8 8/26/2005 1:42:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:43:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup I'll stick my **** in your ****ty **** hole 8 8/26/2005 1:43:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Been out raising fucking hell? 8 8/26/2005 1:45:31 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin pussy! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:11 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fuckin hot 8 8/26/2005 1:46:32 AM24596969
igloosyrup OH SHIT! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup She was watching! Oh fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:49 AM24596969
igloosyrup Baby, I can change! FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup Jesus said I was a good fuckin dude! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' pussy shitty beer 8 8/26/2005 1:48:15 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:48:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuck yeah! 8 8/26/2005 1:49:40 AM
Oh man. It's so bad!!! Hahahahahahaha!! Hi dad!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Calgarywood
I'm trying to use Microsoft Movie Maker. So if anybody has some video (in Microsoft format, not Quicktime) please send it to me. It's a great oppurtunity for both of us! I mean, in 3 years you can ask whatever happened to that video you sent. I can look at you all confused...then ask if you want ketchup with your fries.
Spam is dead. Long live Spam!! (Get an effin' screen name)
Alright. Due to the crazy ass spam, and all the tears it has caused, I've initiated Operation: AnoNO MAS! What's that mean? It means you gotta have a name, baby! A cause! Here's your chance to be totally effin' creative and set yourself apart with a screen name that describes who you are! Kid Toucher is already taken. Sorry. Anyway, this is going to be a blow to my ego. No more compliments on how well I write. No more multi comments. It was all a facade. I just wanted to feel POPULAR!! Whatever. Hey look. It's a zombie...made out of SPAM!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
2005 B.C. or Outside Providence
5 o' clock. The bags are packed. Toothpaste? Check. Food? Check. Sunblock? Check. 4 Hour drive with almost strangers? Check.
This weekend the wife and I took a road trip with some friends of hers. Shannon (who Angela has known since her days as a snychronized swimmer) and Shannon's mang, Jim. They had invited us to go to Shannon's parents cabin. It's in B.C. The drive was beautiful. Man, if you guys get a chance to come visit me, we'll get out've Calgary and you'll see how awesome this place is. The cabin is at a lake. Wasa Lake. Which invited many jokes. As in "Wasa Lake Motel....what is it NOW?! NEeeyahahahahaha!!!" "All he wanted WASA cookie! Neeeyahahahahaha!" It continued all weekend. And of course, it NEVER got old. The lake was freakin' rad. It's super shallow, so it's pretty warm. At least it was whenever I was in the water. Our hosts had access to a boat, water skis, a kneeboard and water biscuits. Holy crap. As I type, my whole body aches. I was able to wate ski for the first time. My ass is SO kicked. But that shit is FUN. We also went swimming in the lake. I'm pretty sunburnt. Apparently there was also a badger in the area. There were signs. Not badger poop and tracks, but signs. "Warning: A badger has been sighted in the area. Do not approach." I don't understand. He was very nice. Served the BEST iced mocha's. Anyway, on Sunday we swam in the morning. Nobody was at the lake. It was like glass, as they say. Angela and I are chillin' on the "beach" when an ASSLOAD of people show up. In their Sunday best. Crap."Uhhh, check that out." "Oh wow, must've just gotten out of church." It was a beautiful day. About 25 by noon (bout'85 F). Made sense some of the locals would come to the lake after church. But that's where we were mistaken. It wasn't AFTER church. It was DURING church. "I think it's a funeral" I said. "Nooo...not many black outfits." "Well, I don't think hip hop is popular with the church crowd." Then the pastor started talking, other people came up and spoke...they they walked to the lake. My tattooed and self can't stop staring at the people staring at me. Then the walked INTO the lake. It was a freakin' baptism!! Creeeeeeeeepy. Angela and I tried playing Speed (thanks Mila!!) while people were accepting Jesus into their lives. Then being drowned. WTF?!! Alright. I couldn't sit still anymore. As the congregation sang along with an acoustic guitar ( I bet that dude gets ALL the church poontang!) I ran into the lake. I'm gonna get me some second hand Jesus. So as I sit in my apartment on Monday, I can tell you that Jesus is ALL OVER me. My skin burns. Plus I totally got in trouble for staring n' stuff. Angela was brought up all Catholic n' stuff. But it was still pretty funny...man, she was mad. I mean, who knew that cannon balls were sac religious?!! Or that screaming "SATAN OWNS THESE WATERS!!" would cause so many gun shots in my direction. I learned the hard way.Then we drove home and I learned a little about the history of Canada. Pretty cool. Laiiiiiiid back. Except the part about the hanging, Chinese slavery and the French appeasment. That's why all the signs are in French. Back in the day, they had to make the Frenchies feel like they had kind've won a part of the war. Now we all suffer for it. Kinda weird, the French were treated like the Natives. I'm gonna learn more. Anyway, hopefully everyone else had a rad weekend too. Paix dehors!!!
This weekend the wife and I took a road trip with some friends of hers. Shannon (who Angela has known since her days as a snychronized swimmer) and Shannon's mang, Jim. They had invited us to go to Shannon's parents cabin. It's in B.C. The drive was beautiful. Man, if you guys get a chance to come visit me, we'll get out've Calgary and you'll see how awesome this place is. The cabin is at a lake. Wasa Lake. Which invited many jokes. As in "Wasa Lake Motel....what is it NOW?! NEeeyahahahahaha!!!" "All he wanted WASA cookie! Neeeyahahahahaha!" It continued all weekend. And of course, it NEVER got old. The lake was freakin' rad. It's super shallow, so it's pretty warm. At least it was whenever I was in the water. Our hosts had access to a boat, water skis, a kneeboard and water biscuits. Holy crap. As I type, my whole body aches. I was able to wate ski for the first time. My ass is SO kicked. But that shit is FUN. We also went swimming in the lake. I'm pretty sunburnt. Apparently there was also a badger in the area. There were signs. Not badger poop and tracks, but signs. "Warning: A badger has been sighted in the area. Do not approach." I don't understand. He was very nice. Served the BEST iced mocha's. Anyway, on Sunday we swam in the morning. Nobody was at the lake. It was like glass, as they say. Angela and I are chillin' on the "beach" when an ASSLOAD of people show up. In their Sunday best. Crap."Uhhh, check that out." "Oh wow, must've just gotten out of church." It was a beautiful day. About 25 by noon (bout'85 F). Made sense some of the locals would come to the lake after church. But that's where we were mistaken. It wasn't AFTER church. It was DURING church. "I think it's a funeral" I said. "Nooo...not many black outfits." "Well, I don't think hip hop is popular with the church crowd." Then the pastor started talking, other people came up and spoke...they they walked to the lake. My tattooed and self can't stop staring at the people staring at me. Then the walked INTO the lake. It was a freakin' baptism!! Creeeeeeeeepy. Angela and I tried playing Speed (thanks Mila!!) while people were accepting Jesus into their lives. Then being drowned. WTF?!! Alright. I couldn't sit still anymore. As the congregation sang along with an acoustic guitar ( I bet that dude gets ALL the church poontang!) I ran into the lake. I'm gonna get me some second hand Jesus. So as I sit in my apartment on Monday, I can tell you that Jesus is ALL OVER me. My skin burns. Plus I totally got in trouble for staring n' stuff. Angela was brought up all Catholic n' stuff. But it was still pretty funny...man, she was mad. I mean, who knew that cannon balls were sac religious?!! Or that screaming "SATAN OWNS THESE WATERS!!" would cause so many gun shots in my direction. I learned the hard way.Then we drove home and I learned a little about the history of Canada. Pretty cool. Laiiiiiiid back. Except the part about the hanging, Chinese slavery and the French appeasment. That's why all the signs are in French. Back in the day, they had to make the Frenchies feel like they had kind've won a part of the war. Now we all suffer for it. Kinda weird, the French were treated like the Natives. I'm gonna learn more. Anyway, hopefully everyone else had a rad weekend too. Paix dehors!!!
Friday, August 19, 2005
It's the Muppet Show...YAAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAY! Man, this is awesome. Muppets on DVD. Kermit turns 50 next month. Those 2 old guys were on a preseason football game the other day. One've em' said "....for shizzle." Sacrelig? Yeah. But still kinda funny...only 2 years behind the trendizzle. So, I'm gonna be renting/buying...uhhh...asking my wife to rent/buy those dvd's. Swedish Chef...Pigs in Space...ANNIMAL ANIMAL! Man. I miss the muppets. I even miss Muppet Babies.
So yeah. Hopefully I'll have an update to give on the dvd's.One that involves me owning/watching them. Apparently there's tons of rad special features. And best wishes to Kermit on his 50th. He still looks so young! I sent him an e-mail asking how he's stayed so young and fit after so many years. Seeing as we're all closin' in on our mid life crisis', it'd be nice to at least look good. So Kermie told me his secret. "I eat lots of pork...hahahaha". Thanks for the tip Kermit! I don't know what he's laughing about though.
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