Moral Obligations

Poker. It's the new hotness. Broadcast on major television networks and available in smokey living rooms everywhere. I've never really played. I always seemed to wind up nekkid for some reason. In which case, EVERYbody loses. But now there's a way to START nekkid and nobody has to know. Unless you tell them. It's called playing 'online'. It's amazing. Apparently the 'internet' allows you to 'log on' and access a 'web' site that specializes in Poker and other gambling games! Pretty cool.Being in another country, it's kinda nice to interact with my friends and family through IM and e-mail. But now I can do it AND play games with them!Josh, my brother and I have been playing online poker at pokerstars.com. Well, mostly Josh and my brother. Last night was the second time I'd played. Kyle and Josh seem to know what they're doing. I get distracted by all the cards and bright colors. But it's okay since it's all for fake money. Kind of like gambling with Canadian money. So pokerstars.com allows you to download their software for free. Then you pick a screen name (so exciting!) and you can add an image as well. But you can only have ONE screen name. So if yours sucks, get over it. Their real sticklers about that! Once you've set up everything, you can go meet your homies at a table. At this point, you can chat with people at the table. What a great feature!Being the gentlemen that we are, the three of us try to involve everybody at the table in our conversations. Sometimes our conversations are about the cards at hand, the bets, or our health. They can become quite spirited! It was during one of these spirited conversations that we discovered pokerstars.com will actually EDIT curse words! So if I were to tell Josh to "eat my fucking asshole you cock sucking pussy shitter", it would look like "eat my ****ing ***hole you **** sucking ***** *****er." Wow. That's great! Who can be offended by "*"s? Nobody!At least that's what we thought. We took fullest advantage of this editing feature. Most conversations looked like:"Hey Josh, **** you. You ****ing **** **** lick. I'm gonna **** your mom in the **** shed." or"Hi guys. **** ****** ****** *** ** ************ **** ****."What's the problem, right? Well. There WAS a problem. Somebody at our table told us that if you get too many edits, you'll have your chat priveleges revoked. "**** that! That **** would have happened a long ****in' time ago!" Since this WAS at least our second session with such colorful language. We thought the dude was just joking. Nope. Apparently the morally upright people at pokerstars.com (you can play for real money too) hear about our dialog. They took a break from collecting their customers grocery money, college savings and Christmas cash, to set us straight. We got e-mails. I'd LOVE to see Kyle and Josh's. So if you could, you guys, send em' to me. Or post them in the comments.The great thing about the e-mail is that they wag a finger at us. Telling us how naughty we are. But you don't realize it at the time. As much. Because like I said, everything looks like ****. Not in the e-mail!! Holy ****in' ****!! We are BAD. The words show up as you typed them. OMFG! So on one hand, pokerstars.com is upholding morality. On the OTHER hand, they're robbing people of Keno money. At least they're not stinking up your favorite pizza joint/bar with their smoke at the video poker machines. Anyway, the editors at pokerstars.com must have the BEST ****in' job!! I mean, they have to read all this!! Holy cow. Pure comedy. I want that job. Here's the e-mail:Hello igloosyrup,
We have received a complaint regarding your use of inappropriate language at our tables. After reviewing the chat log (see below), itwas decided to remove your chat privileges for a period of 1 month.Your language was highly offensive and completely unacceptable.
Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone can feel comfortable. Foul language and abuse of other players takes away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be permitted.
Please note that you may not be the only one receiving a message suchas this. When we receive a chat complaint, we review the entire chatof all players at the table. Any other offenders at the table were also warned or revoked as appropriate to our policies.
You may contact us in one month to have your chat privileges reinstated.
Regards,
SimonPokerStars Support Team
So yeah. My cat works for Pokerstars. I had no clue. Then beneath that are the offending sentences. So if you're easily offended, or feel like you know me. Don't read this ****:
igloosyrup (that's me) Yeah. I wanna put my **** in some *** then lick the **** off 8 8/26/2005 1:31:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup Who just shit their pants then wiped the shit on the table? 8 8/26/2005 1:33:31
igloosyrup Fuck! Really? 8 8/26/2005 1:34:00 AM24596969
igloosyrup We fuckin' said a buncha shit last time 8 8/26/2005 1:34:14 AM24596969
igloosyrup Goddam right. FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:34:38 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' right the fuck on! 8 8/26/2005 1:36:25 AM24596969
igloosyrup Ahem, what the fuckin shit fucky fuck shitting cunt licker fuckin crappy shitty fuck fuck. love. 24596969
igloosyrup I had vegetables with dinner. I feel shitty...like I'm gonna shit in my pjs. 1:37:55 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuckin' don't talk to me like that. FUCK. 8 8/26/2005 1:39:12 AM24596969
igloosyrup That fuckin shit. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:04 AM24596969
igloosyrup Oh man. That's fuckin' rad. 8 8/26/2005 1:40:44 AM24596969
igloosyrup I better fuckin' win! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:09 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCKIN FUCK SHITTY! 8 8/26/2005 1:41:50 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fucked. 8 8/26/2005 1:42:19 AM24596969
igloosyrup I need a fuckin drink 8 8/26/2005 1:42:35 AM24596969
igloosyrup fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:43:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup I'll stick my **** in your ****ty **** hole 8 8/26/2005 1:43:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Been out raising fucking hell? 8 8/26/2005 1:45:31 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin pussy! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:11 AM24596969
igloosyrup That's fuckin hot 8 8/26/2005 1:46:32 AM24596969
igloosyrup OH SHIT! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup She was watching! Oh fuck! 8 8/26/2005 1:46:49 AM24596969
igloosyrup Baby, I can change! FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:01 AM24596969
igloosyrup Jesus said I was a good fuckin dude! 8 8/26/2005 1:47:21 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuckin' pussy shitty beer 8 8/26/2005 1:48:15 AM24596969
igloosyrup FUCK! 8 8/26/2005 1:48:43 AM24596969
igloosyrup Fuck yeah! 8 8/26/2005 1:49:40 AM
Oh man. It's so bad!!! Hahahahahahaha!! Hi dad!