I Can Smell Your BRAAIIIINSSSSSS!!!!

Oh man, Return of the Living Dead. What the hell is wrong with me? How did I go for so long without seeing this effing movie? A buncha 80's punks getting eaten by zombies? "Why do you think I dress like this? You think it's a costume?! IT'S A LIFESTYLE!!!" Ohhhh man. Awesome. It's meant to be comedy/cheesy. And it is. At one point, one of the girls gets nekkid. For no effing reason. She starts dancing. Angela asked me "What is she DOING?!" I had to explain the 80's and the blatant T n' A that pertainted to the decade to her. Later that nekkid girl turns into a nekkid zombie. Very interesting character development. It was made by the dude who wrote Alien. I had no idea.We also went to Angela's amiga's house. Pam. She was having a farewell party. Where's Pam going? Oh, South Korea. Why's she going? To teach English. Really? Yup. So she speaks Korean? Nope. That's right. No Korean. She DOES speak Chinese though. So...yeah. Anyway, Pam's a cool chick. Her parents are effin' hilarious. Her mom tried to get me wasted (she's Chinese) and her dad makes the best chicken wings EVER. At least they said it was chicken. Huh. Some of you might remember Pam from the wedding. She was the Asian one. Calm down Kyle. Angela and I were the first to arrive to the party. Hung out for a bit, then Pam's Uncle Ken and Aunty (not sure...just Aunty) showed up. Thery're Chinese as well. Why do I mention where they come from? Oh, it's very relevent, yo. Y'see, my wife and I are honky's. Most honky folk who live here are from Europe/Canada. So I made a point to keep my Yank' background on the dl. Uncle Ken, Aunty, myself and the rest of the guests got into various discussions. Somehow it came up that Americans were arrogant n' stuff. Oh man. Awesome. So I agreed. "They're also ugly, loud....man, I HATE THEM!!" Well, Uncle Ken agreed. Aunty looked at me a bit surprised. Every chance I got I was busting on Americans and blaming everything on them/me. Still they had no clue. "Oh, don't get me started on those GODDAMN Americans!!" I continued "Abercrombie and Fitch? Just another evil racist American company! They're all the same!!!" Somehow (of course) war comes up. It was awesome. Eventually I got sold out by one of the other guests.
"I can't STAND those 'Mericans!!"
"But Ryan. Where are you from?"
"Portland, Oregon. USA."
Uncle Ken- ...Me- "Mooowhahahahah!!"
Uncle Ken- ....(looking at the table)
Aunty - "I thaw you seem like you hate too much! You so loud, I KNEW it!!!"
Uncle Ken- (plotting my death) "You know the thing bout' Americans?"
Me- "What?"Uncle Ken- "They're jus' misunderstood."
Me and the guests- ....
Me- "...snicker...Moowahahaha! That's not what you were saying 5 minutes ago!!AHAHAHAHAHA!" Man. It was great. From there on, we talked about how cool Americans were because we sold China jet fighters n' stuff. It was awesome. So anyway, good luck to Pam.
We went and had dinner with the in-laws yesterday. Pretty fun. Had salmon. Learned about WINMX, because Napster is weeeeeeak. Thanks though, Kyle. I'm listening to Napster right now. But I can't take it away from my pooter'. Even though a subscription fee has been paid. You have to pay an ADDITIONAL 99 cents per track if you wanna burn them. Bastards.
I also mentioned to the in-laws (in a move of suck uppedness gone wrong) that I'd like to go ice skating this winter."ICE skating?!! It's SKATING ya' fawk!" Oh man. "Of course it's on ice! Maybe we'll get you a leotard!" Woops. Though I think I'd look pretty good in a leotard. Apparently ICE skating is for girls/Brian Boitano. I don't even want to mention what happened when I said I wanted a helmet. Sigh. I'll never live it down. Apparently I have tourettes now as well. At least that's what my Father-In-Law has diagnosed me with. SHITPOOYDUCKCOFFEEASSHOLE!! I don't know where he got that from.