Movie TP

It's just another manic moooonnndaaaay. I wish it were a...day that I didn't watch crappy movies. Jesus CHRISTMAS. What the hell happened to Deniro? I had the unfortunate luck of watching Hide and Seek. Have you seen Fight Club? That one movie with Jonny Depp where he's an author? The Shitty Window or something like that. How bout' the 6th Sense? Well, do you see where this is going? Watch the movie. You will. Within the first act you'll see where it's going. It would've been rad if Dakota Fanning called up Denzel and said "Yo D-Wash, I'm making this movie. But it totally sucks. Bobby is mailing it in...can you do a Man On Fire here? Y'know, stick some plastic explosive up somebody's ass..." Terrible effin' movie. You know what else is terrible? When youu type for 45 minutes and the internet goes buh bye. Thanks Shaw Internet! You useless bastards.So Hide and Seek was Angela's pick. My pick was The Ghouls. I like B movies, OKAY? OKAY? I KNOW. Shut UP. I KNOW!!! It's called the GHOULS! WHAT?!! No, I didn't know it would suck!! I like Otter Pops too...do they suck? NO! No they DON'T! You can't judge anything by it's title! Whatever. Anyway, The Ghouls. Sucked. It's about a camerman. Who does crack. And drinks. And smokes. And likes the ladies. But it sucked. Until aboot 2/3 of the way through. Enter: A kid who's waiting for his bus (We'll call him 'Corky'). Our lame ass protaganist (we'll call him Grizzly) arrives at the bus stop after a long evening. His homey was taken away by 'the Ghouls', his woman left him, they stopped serving him alcohol at the bar, got beat up by a crooked cop/fed said crooked cop to 'the Ghouls'. Anyway. Grizzly is BEAT. Time to get on the bus with his camera and take a dump, get in the tub and just soak. Maybe even smoke some more crack. But before ANY of this Corky starts talking to Grizzly. "Dass a nice camoowa...doo dit it fo' Kwizmiss?" Did I mention that Cork has Down Syndrome? He does. Guess what else he has. Camo pants. Guess what else. A mustache. A freakin' mustache. Holy crap. This movie has now become worth the last hour and 5 bucks. "Look, I don't have time for this, kid." Grizzly is in no mood. "Tan I hoad it?" "No, it's expensive." "Doo fink I'm doopid?!?" Oh man. Classic. CLASSIC! So, after much inner debate, Grizzly allows Corky to hold the camera. "Dit's heafee!!" See ya' Corky. He freakin' BOLTS. With the camera. You know what's bad? Grizzly doesn't even catch him. He falls down and conks his head. Knocked out. You KNOW Corky must be feelin' pretty good aboot himself. He probably signed up for the Special Olympics after that. Anyway, with the departure of Corky, the movie spirals downward. Grizzly wakes up in the sewers where he's being held captive by the Ghouls. He finds his homey. Skinned! OMFG!! But he still wants a smoke. Awful. Saw it comin' too. Grizzly then proceeds to free himself from his cell by beating up a Ghoul and taking the ghouls gun. That he was wearing around his neck. Goddammit. Where's Corky? Grizzly is working his way through the lit tunnels of the sewer (still keeping his lighter out and lit for that extra ambiance) when he comes to a room of Ghouls. A family room if you will. There's a mommy ghoul *BANG!* a Daddy Ghoul *BANG!* BABY GHOUL! *BANG!!!* He clears the room. And it wasn't even cool. Grizzly comes up out've the sewers. He's wiped out. So he ganks a car and cruises home. Oh, but it's not over. Why? Well, I'll tell you. Because this is why the movie was almost worth it. Pure comedy. Unintended. The best kind.Grizzly is cruisin' down the street in his stolen car when he passes a bus stop. Guess who's at the bus stop? Yup, Corky. Back at the same bus stop that rewarded him with an awesome new camera. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRT! Grizzly slams on the brakes and throws er' into reverse. Corky doesn't mind. I mean, he DOES have Down Syndrome. Grizzly gets out of the car, walks up to Corky and knocks his ass out. Apparently Corky slept with the camera and was planning on taking it to show n' tell, because he had it with him. Happy Grizzly! Oh, and what's this? The tape is full?!! Here we go. Cut to the tape footage:Corky is in his room. He's got the camera set up. And he's talking to it. "Doo dalkin' do be? Are DOO dalkin' do BE?!!" Holy crap. He's doing Taxi Driver. "Doo mus' be dalkin' do be..." I'm dying. (Just a note, we watched Hide and Stink first. Deniro...ugh. Then we watch this...maybe Deniro should too.) He does a bunch of scenes. Camo pants, lil' mustache, finger pointing...awesome. Then the footage cuts to Corky at a door. He knocks. Some chick answers it...I think she thought Corky was Publishers Clearinghouse or something. She was pretty happy. Then she see that it's...well, Corky. "Can I help you?" Of course she can! He let's himself in and knocks her out. He then proceeds to have a disturbing/funny conversation with himself as he hovers over her uncounsious body. He's talking in a girls voice. Holy cow. I take it back. Go rent this and skip to the last chapter. It's so rad to see Corky playing Deniro...right after we watched him. You know what would've been REALLY cool? If Corky would've played Deniro's role in Hide the Sausage. He would've made a much better Charlie/Daddy. Oh wait. What'd I just do? Give away the ending? I'm thuch and ASSHOLE!! Moooowhahahahahahaha!!!!! DOO DALKIN' DO BE?!!!